FAQ
Learn all about the supreme mediocrity that is me
| Is your real name Ninja Viking?
Yes. Seriously? No. Then what is it? Jon. Okay Jon, so tell me. Why do you call yourself 'Ninja Viking'? I could say that it's because I saw Thilo's page (where he proclaims himself a Ninja Pirate) and decided to piss of his fanbase by parodying his moniker, and this would piss off Maddox's fanbase by default because they get pissed off by anything that hasn't anything to do with their god Maddox. I could also say that it's because I felt like pissing off all the people that are clueless enough to actually believe I relate the idea of masculinity with such careers as ninjas, vikings, lumberjacks, pirates, robots, samurais, etc. Or it could be because I attend karate class and attack the side of my neighbour's house with a hatchet on occasion. Believe what you will. Wow, that was a mouthful. So's my dick. What's your point? ...Moving on, how old are you? At the time of this writing, I'm nineteen years old. I live in Canada, so I can legally booze my blood dry. The preceding sentence probably doesn't make much sense because at the moment I'm in the midst of boozing my blood dry. Indeed. What do you do for a living? Up until June 2008, I worked at Tim Hortons. That nightmare is over, thank Jehovah. What do you do now, then? Currently I'm writing for stuff other than this stupid shitty site. I'm an aspiring comic book writer, so basically I'll probably wash dishes for minimum wage till I die. Still, I know what I'm writing is fucking gold, and I'm willing to stick it out until I find a publisher with the intelligence to agree with me. What are your religious beliefs? I don't believe in god. Just as you have your reasons for following [insert religion here], I have my reasons for not following [insert religion here]. So does this mean you advocate abortion/killing/AIDS/satanism/evolution/whatever else you morons associate with atheism? I never said that. If you're actually stupid enough to believe that atheism equates to a lack of morality or a twisted world vision, you've just proven to me that whatever religion you follow encourages being a total fuckwit. That's not nice! Take that back! No, simply because you didn't say it in the form of a question. This is a fucking FAQ, idiot. Okay, take that back please? No, I don't apologize to fuckwits. Personal policy. Fine. Tell me, what other personal policies do you keep? Check the policies section of the website. What's your policy on hatemail/fanmail? Do you reply to every piece of mail you get? Check the policies section of the website. Can I use one of your images on my own website/school project/Myspace/Facebook? Can you learn how to fucking read? Check the policies section, dolt. Your site looks like it was made on FrontPage. It was. Ask questions. Oh, sorry. S'okay. Are you single right now? At the time of this writing, yeah. Please don't tell me you're coming onto me. What if I was? I'd lie and say that I have a girlfriend. So this means you're straight? Yup. You write like a faggot. But I sex women like a women-sexing machine. And you can't write at all, so I win. Now go away, this FAQ sucks ass. Sorry. S'okay.
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THE DISCLAIMER
By visiting this page you have surrendered your rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. By coming here you have freely admitted through your actions that I, Ninja Viking, am a better person than you and that you, an unthinking dullard, only visited this page because my rants are great J.O. material. Any and all writings are of a humorous intent and as such are not to be taken too seriously. All this shit on here is just my opinion, so should you take offense to any of the material on my page, well, you can just go fuck yourself.
The Rants of a Ninja Viking are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.