People who write chainmail have no souls

Fuckin' chain mail. I hate that shit. Everybody does, there aren't any exceptions to the rule. Every single person on the planet in possession of a computer hates chain mail and spam and the like. That being said, who the hell writes it? As everyone hates it, it would have to be written by someone who hates it. But if they hate it, why the hell are they writing it knowing full well that it serves no other purpose than pissing off people like themselves? I don't get it. However, I do remember an incident that went down about a year ago with my younger sister. I walked in on her writing a fucking chain letter to send to all her friends. Seriously, that generic 'Send to 15 people within the next 84 seconds or you'll get knifed by a rapist and your mom will shit in your dead mouth!!11' kind of thing, but it was a lot more generic and less funny than the example I just gave you. Needless to say, I yelled at her for a solid twenty minutes about how much of a waste her life is, how she must've been adopted because there's no way someone with such a low level of intelligence could reside in the same gene pool as myself, and so on and so forth. I then walked out of the room, counted to ten to cool off, and walked back in the room, snatching the keyboard from her and subsequently holding the backspace till the entire disgusting putrid filth had been erased.

Yes, I hate chain mail that much. Why don't you?

And then a few weeks later I received this from not one, not two, but three different people in one day. Can you say 'fuck off'?

Hey it is tara and john the directors of MSN, sorry for the interruption but
msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people are
taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts for just one
person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your
account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your
account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. This is no
joke, we will be shutting down the servers.. Send it on, thanks. WHO EVER
DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST
10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. NOW YOU
KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL.
GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR
ATTENTION. It's no joke if you don't believe me then go to the site
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1189119.stm ) and see for yourself.
Anyways once you've sent this message to at least 18 contacts, your msn dude
will become blue. please copy and paste don't forward

Shit like this pisses me off simply because I know there are tools gullible enough to believe it. Here it is, zero credibility and not a shred of professionalism to be found, and you just know that grown men and women, at least a few of them, will take this garbage to heart. The kicker is that it was almost assuredly composed by someone under the age of fifteen because really, who else is weak in the mind enough to even consider something so illustriously faggish as a prank? Young teenagers are a blight.

But hey, why sit here and retype the response I sent to the guys who forwarded this to me (as well as the list of people aside from myself he subjected to this idiocy) when I can just copy and paste the response itself for you to see in all its glory?

I'm forwarding this back to everyone because I'm a dick, but also so you can all read my little addition. Firstly, 'tara and john' is obviously a code for 'only a fuckwad would believe this bullshit.' Secondly, the next person to send me a fucking chainmail gets my boot in their teeth. Cut it out, it's pissing me off. And thirdly, the moron who wrote this is probably masturbating in self-satisfaction because he succeeded in getting a bunch of easily-swayed mindless automatons to sacrifice three whole minutes of their time reading his textual vomit. Congratulations, you tool, you gave a friendless net-dwelling virgin a boner. Is this message supposed to be in any way convincing? To quote the message, 'your msn dude will become blue' upon forwarding this to eighteen people. So you're telling me the goddamn DIRECTORS OF MSN refer to the MSN Messenger icon as an 'msn dude'? Are you seriously trying to shit me here?
Oh yeah, not to mention the fact that this particular piece and about a hundred other extremely similar versions have been circulating since MSN Messenger was first conceived years ago.

Oh and before I go, a note to 'john and tara.' Notice how I didn't copy/paste/newmessage this little memo, but went ahead and forwarded it just to spite you? If these two neanderthals really are the 'directors of msn,' and should they ever read this reply of mine (however slim the possibility), consider this my invitation for the two of them to suck my nuts. Should they *gasp* NOT exist, and it turns out that my friendless net-dwelling virgin theory is correct, consider this my invitation for him to suck my nuts in their stead.

And THAT, children, is why you do not send chain mail to the Ninja Viking. He will verbally assrape you.

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