You want insight? Here's your damn insight
| People keep asking me why I'm
such an asshole all the time. Why the hell do you care? I'm just some jerk with
a keyboard and a penis, leave me alone and go die somewhere. I swear, you people
need something to do, something more productive than reading my crap all the
time and messaging me about it, anyway. Don't you people have fishtanks to clean
or something? God. I mean really, this one time I was sitting at the desk,
typing something spiteful as usual when this guy I vaguely remember being added
by about 3 years ago when he claimed we met at Racquetball Camp, when I have no
recollection of ever going to any kind of camp let alone one with a focal point
of repeatedly smacking balls into walls, decided to start chatting it up with me
even though we never chat. Hell, I hate chatting. When I start a conversation
with someone, it's got a valid point, something to do with burning buildings or
the rise of Satan or something. Don't get me wrong, I love talking to you
people, you all make me feel smart, and I even find a select few of you to be
witty, even amusing at times, but the truth is that a great many of you need to
learn the concept of shutting the hell up. The following is an example of a
conversation that doesn't need to be initiated, but for some odd reason was.
Note how I play along, thinking the whore is going somewhere with this. I
should've known better, god, just look at that screen name.
NOTE: Other than formatting the conversation for this post, this is the entire conversation, word for word. The spelling mistakes and genuine stupidity are unedited for your enjoyment. blondbeautyBABE- hey wats up Ninja Viking- the usual, nothing special, nothing too life-threateningly mundane. And yourself? blondbeautyBABE- umm n2m jst chillin lol Ninja Viking- that's nice, I suppose. blondbeautyBABE- lol [ Three minute pause ] blondbeautyBABE- lol Ninja Viking- ... Ninja Viking- so did you want to talk about something or what? blondbeautyBABE- lol iunno blondbeautyBABE- im borred Ninja Viking- well you started the conversation, I'm assuming you had a topic predetermined and ready to go. blondbeautyBABE- lol wuts that mean? Ninja Viking- never mind. blondbeautyBABE- okay lol Ninja Viking- when you type 'lol,' are you physically laughing out loud? blondbeautyBABE- nooo Ninja Viking- do you even find any of what's been said in this conversation to be funny? blondbeautyBABE- lol not realy Ninja Viking- then why the hell are you typing 'lol' every other word? blondbeautyBABE- ummm i dunno Ninja Viking- it makes for shitty conversation filler, you know. Ninja Viking- notice how I never use the term. Ninja Viking- because its shitty. blondbeautyBABE- lol Ninja Viking- So let me get this straight. Ninja Viking- you started this conversation devoid of any purpose other than the possibility of your boredom being cured by the wit and entertainment derived from a conversation with me. You have absolutely nothing to contribute other than the occasional accronym but instead choose to sit in front of your computer staring at the screen with a blank expression on your face with nothing to give your shallow existence any light or purpose other than the hope that I'll go off and force one line answers out of you because surely I have nothing better to do with my time than talk to some adolescent bimbo about shit that I don't care about. Ninja Viking- a little advice sweetheart, get a job. Hell, get an education while you're at it. Your spelling is shit. blondbeautyBABE- ur an asshole Ninja Viking- and you're a whore. Aren't we the happy couple. blondbeautyBABE appears to be offline. Messages you send will... Now, I can handle being blocked. I've been blocked by several dozen people over the years, every instance assuredly due to the other person's stupidity. What I can't handle, though, is partaking in a conversation in any way similar to the one above. Before you go off on your own little tirade, dear reader, of how you yourself occasionally start talking to me without an actual point to the conversation other than eliminating boredom and begin to take offense to my words (if you haven't taken offense already), let me just point out that this is for two reasons. Either:
a) You don't piss me off and I like you because in general, we two have a lot in common so I tend to let little things like that slide, or b) You're not as big an idiot in person.
This girl had neither of these qualities. In fact, she was really the opposite of what I want to talk to, the anti-me. Why the fuck would she capitalize one word and leave the other two in lowercase anyway? Aside from that, I can let the occasional 'lol' or 'brb' slide, really, everyone should be entitled to their own lacking in individuality or else completely generic tools of language, I really do believe that. What I can't stand is when they're not going anywhere with a conversation they start. Honestly, at least try to give a decent reply, something semi-original every two or three responses. Sitting and drooling at your keyboard waiting for me to say something witty is just in bad taste. Give me something to work with, even a sarcastic flamboyant genius like myself needs a little repartee to keep things moving smoothly. Remember, the more you give me to work with (ie. things you hate, things you like, your ethnicity, etc.), the more likely I am to go on a rant and keep you entertained. Well, that or offend you, either one is fun as hell on my end.
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THE DISCLAIMER
By visiting this page you have surrendered your rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. By coming here you have freely admitted through your actions that I, Ninja Viking, am a better person than you and that you, an unthinking dullard, only visited this page because my rants are great J.O. material. Any and all writings are of a humorous intent and as such are not to be taken too seriously. All this shit on here is just my opinion, so should you take offense to any of the material on my page, well, you can just go fuck yourself.
The Rants of a Ninja Viking are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.