Dealing with insecurity

The above title may be a bit misleading, I'm afraid. Many people probably came to this page seeking help, abundant with issues of self-esteem and boring shit like that. Well for one, if you come to this website with the intent of seeking mental help, you seriously need to seek mental help. And two, this article is basically the opposite of what you'd otherwise expect. I'm not going to try and help low-lifes feel better about themselves, I'm going to bitch at them for being stupid fucks that make living feel like more of a burden than I'd prefer.

Now, should you know me in real life (sucks for me if you do, but some things just can't be helped), you know, or at least SHOULD know that I have major issues with the stupid, the ignorant, the opinionated airheads, and above all, the insecure. While the three former types of people are indeed annoying as shit, none of them hold a candle to the latter; Insecure fucks can get fucked. You're probably thinking, 'Why are you ripping on people with low self-esteem? Just to be an asshole?' Truthfully, that is part of the reason, yes. This is mainly a way of venting my frustration towards a select few sad-sacks I know in my non-Internet life that have a serious problem with not boring me to death with their constant laments and woes. Just because I like to share my misery with the masses, I've decided to write out a list of phrases tearfully squawked in my direction, and we can hate them (the phrases AND the people with the audacity to utter them) together! Sounds like fun, huh?

'Whenever we hang out with [insert name of person or persons] you seem to pay more attention to them than to me.'

That's because they're far more interesting and tolerable in that they don't bore me to death with their social paranoia and awkward confrontational remarks that don't serve any purpose other than to make an awkward scene. Trust me, if you've said this to me, your fears are now confirmed: I like other people more than you.

'I get the feeling you don't want to be friends anymore.'

That's very true, I don't. Why, you ask? Because you won't fuck off with your insecurities and let friendship develop naturally, dickless. Ask yourself this: If I don't seem interested in pursuing a relationship with you in any form other than one that involves me not being near you, what the hell is bitching at me gonna do about it? If you suspect I don't fucking like you, pointing your finger at me and crying like a big blubbering bitch won't do anything but make me hate you even more, stupid.

From what I've shown you thus far, you can see that I mainly have this whole issue with women, as if that's somehow a big surprise. If you've ever had to deal with the wonder of pointless MSN Messenger conversations, hey, I have some examples of that shit too!

Bimbo: Hey

Me: Hey, what's up?

Bimbo: Nothing

Me: [makes a joke or says something incredibly fucking charming, as is my custom]

Bimbo: I guess/I suppose/Yeah

Me: [tries to start a conversation about something less boring than inane trivialities]

Bimbo: I guess/I suppose/Yeah

Me: [one last attempt to see if the conversation is going or will go anywhere]

Bimbo: I guess/I suppose/Yeah

Me: [Blocks this sad little motherfucker]

Hey, here's a hint: You're gonna start a conversation with me, do so with the intent of holding your end of the conversation, dumbass! Do you honestly think I have nothing better to do than stumble through a meaningless conversation with a depressed piece of shit who wants me to make them less depressed, but isn't willing to make any effort in the matter other than sigh every few lines? Fuck you. With the time I waste talking to your sad ass, I could be chatting it up with a hottie and setting up a sexual encounter, or writing articles for a website that no one aside from myself reads.

And the last line, a personal favourite uttered by a select few women with some serious knots in their panties:

'Why would you choose [insert name of babe] over me? What's so special about her that I haven't got/can't do/blah blah blah?'

There are three possible reasons I don't want you near me, or at least not as much as I want some other woman near me. Either it's 'cause you're ugly (or at least not as attractive as the other chick), 'cause you're stupid (proved thusly by you saying any of the above phrases), or because I know the other girl well enough to know that she wouldn't have thrown a piss-fit over what you won't shut up about, which makes her better than you by default.

So remember kids and females, no one likes insecure people. They bring down the mood with their depressed tones, their annoying tendency to be dramatic, and their constant vocalized need for attention. In short, fuck off crybabies.

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