| You know what's the funniest
thing ever even possible to hear in the world EVER? Inside jokes, the ones where
you weren't there to experience and therefore cannot grasp the humour in context
making it unfunny and blasé by default. Those are awesome. I love it when
someone tells me a five minute story with the pretense of it having a
universally comprehensible punch line, and then it ends up being stupid or
boring and the person covers by saying, 'You had to be there, man.' One time
such a joke was told at work and even though I didn't get it, I laughed anyway
because I wanted to feel less empty inside, which is generally how I feel when
people tell me inside jokes because they blow so much. Actually I didn't laugh,
I just kind of stood there with a half-smirk on my face waiting for the funny
part that never came. The person telling the joke got all awkward-glancing-like,
and shuffled his feet and I hope he felt bad about life because when I realized
his shitty 'And he said BWONG!' line was the punchline, I wanted to scroat-slap
him with a sledgehammer. I didn't though because I was throwing dimes at his
girlfriend in hopes of her thinking I'm rich enough to toss dimes around without
considering the consequences and would therefore jump my silk-laden loins. But
she refused to do so because she loved her boyfriend for telling such funny
jokes (she had BEEN THERE, after all), and so I felt kind of sad.
'Get it? No? Aww, well you weren't there, stupid. Of course it didn't make sense. Hey, I'll be right back, I gotta tell this one to Alex, he wasn't there either but he'll probably laugh because how could he not? This is funny shit, I laughed for like four minutes straight when it happened back sometime last week and it was so awesome I shot vodka out my nose. Of course Alex will find it funny, I mean you didn't but that's because you don't have a sense of humour that's worth a raccoon shit. And he said BWONG! Ha, classic. 'Kay, be right back. Hey Alex! BWONG!' Firstly, Alex doesn't give a shit, his sister has cancer. Besides, that line isn't funny. Shut up. I hate you. I don't have a sense of humour? You don't have a cock, so I win, you stupid ass-licking turnip-scented pisshole fucker. I win in lots of other things, like for instance I have a dick. Also I am skilled in the art of sarcasm mostly. Plus I pride myself on being literate, something you could only attain if your science-professor stepfather figured out how to invent a machine that sucks the retarded out of you. 'And he said BWONG!' That's almost funny out of context, but not really. There's not even any nudity involved, or swearing or the word 'diarrhea,' therefore I say it fails. Do you see what you made me do, you baby-raping dicktrench? I had to go and write an entire piece on how much you deserve to die for having the IQ of a poop-stained Kleenex and because I haven't bothered universalizing this story with names, dates, times or places, anyone aside from you won't get it, therefore making this one big inside joke. Well, I don't know if I'd call it a joke. It lacks hilarity. But still I say you've ruined everything and you're dumb and die please. This is how much I hate you, you stupid Jew:
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