Pathetic people are only good for making the rest of us look good

Everyone has a pathetic friend. Anyone who doesn't is lying because in truth, they do. What do I mean by calling them pathetic? Well there is indeed a wide range of use for the word. 'Pathetic' can apply to many different people for many different reasons. The reason I'm calling these people pathetic is for their sacrifice of integrity in the crusade to find a girlfriend/boyfriend. Now that you know exactly what kind of person I'm talking about, think a bit harder. I bet that if you do you find that there is indeed someone in your life that can be deemed pathetic. Need examples? Fine, dumbass. Know anyone who writes lyrics from songs of any music genre including but not limited to: Emo, Punk, or Light Rock? Lyrics pertaining to loneliness or futility, mainly. Yeah, these people are pathetic because not only are they trying to put themselves out as 'deep' and more importantly, 'single,' but they're trying to hide it by containing their feelings in a goddamn punkass music quote. That's right, they're trying to get a message of desperation across through subtlety. Make sense? No. Of course, the person is pathetic, so there's some kind of excuse, I guess.

I knew this guy back in highschool, the ninth or tenth grade I'd guess, and his MSN Messenger name was 'mr lonely.' I kid you not, that is the exact name he sported for months, poor punctuation and all, right up until he found love in a slutty girlfriend. Their relationship lasted a couple of months, then they broke up because of some stupid drama (Oxymoron: Stupid and Drama, I know, so sue me asshole), and he went from some flowery 'I Luv Whatserface <<<333' bullshit right back to 'mr lonely.' What a tool. I hope his face caves in, wherever the ass is now. I hated him then, and my hatred has only festered and grown, as hatred will do. And like the bumbling moron you undoubtedly are, my guess would be that you're sitting at your computer saying aloud, 'But wats the problem lol, he found luv and he got hert and blah blah blah sympathy this, how sad that, drool drool drool...'

First off, he didn't find love. How do I know? He was fourteen, maybe fifteen at the time. There's no such thing as love at that age, and anyone that thinks otherwise is an idiot. It's raging goddamn hormones, that's it. Girls are reading romance novels because they're idealistic bimbos, and boys are discovering that sexual thoughts invoke swelling of the penis, which surprise! Feels good. The girls are thinking, 'Wow, this romantic novel/movie/song has convinced me that I too can find my true love even though I'm sixteen and have absolutely no life experience!' and the boys are thinking 'Gottagetsome, gottagetsome, gottagetsome!' and they meet and BAM! Teenage pregnancy. Where's the love now, moron? Bunch of media-worshipping dickholes. They all deserve to rot in trailer parks.

Secondly, there's nothing romantic about sacrificing pride or dignity just for a teenaged fling. Anything you do won't count for shit ten years later anyway, why not be unimportant in style? Spend your time productively, and by that I mean just be a jerk. That's what I did, and look at me now. I kick ass! People love me for the dick I am, not the superficial facade I spent my teenaged years creating because I'm a tool. I know far too many people that spent all of highschool trying to look like the badass that everyone invariably knew they weren't, and look where it got them: Twelve or thirteen messy, high-drama relationships later, they've succeeded in attaining a highschool diploma, a low-pay thankless job, and herpes. My hat is off to you, cocksucker, for you have officially screwed yourself over royally. Your eulogy would make people cry not out of sadness, but out of laughter at how much your life sucked, and it's all because of the shit choices you made as a stupid twat teenager.

Am I saying that having close relationships during your teen years is wrong? Hell no. It's a great opportunity to test drive the downstairs equipment, get a feel for the road, as it were. The problem is that most kids don't realize that all that time of your life is good for are the test drives, and many of them fall into the 'true love' trap because they're stupid and gullible and brainwashed by Disney movies. So many stupid fifteen and sixteen year old kids (and I DO mean kids, because they are a far cry from adulthood) cling to their fifteen or sixteen year old 'lover' because they're afraid of being lonely. This is making the assumption that NOT being in a relationship equates to being alone, which it doesn't, but that doesn't matter because either way most highschoolers are in that mindset anyway. These idiots assume that because some unlikely teenaged relationship in some glittery movie the Hollywood machine belched out had a 'fairy tale ending,' that maybe theirs could too. And, lo and behold, it doesn't. Their boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on them with some other acne-riddled brain donor, drama unfolds, threats of wrist-cutting ensue (note: these threats rarely hold water), revenge is seeked out, rebound fucking magically turns into true love, the cycle begins anew. The best part of it all is that these overemotional cocksniffs are so wrapped up in themselves that they fail to realize that the supposed 'golden years' of their lives, the highschool years, the party years, the low-responsibility, high degree of fun years, are passing them by while they wallow in love-driven misery.

For most of highschool, I remained single. Did I regret it occasionally? Sure. Did I sacrifice whatever self-respect I had left, as well as respect in the eyes of my peers by being a whiny bitch about it? No. Not once, ass. I simply kept up my usual output of bitching about everything else in the world, and it made me feel better; in fact, I find that the void left by the lack of girlfriends is filled quite nicely by ranting about how much better I am then anyone. And, coming back to a point I made before, not being 'in love' doesn't automatically make you a lonely person. I've got friends that I wouldn't trade for any girl. Hell, just writing that down makes me smile out of pure pity for all the assholes out there that go to bed feeling empty inside, void of direction, of happiness, of a sense of belonging: The same assholes who claim to be 'so happy that they found a girlfriend.' Who's pathetic now, bitch?

In closing... Eh. Go fuck yourself, I'm done.

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